Playing by Heart
by T. Fowler
Summary: Severus Snape is arrogant, rude, disdainful, and insulting. He doesn't need friends, and yet, his first year at Hogwarts, he manages to find some anyway. A combination of book and movie canon are used being rewritten to align more with HBP
1. Default Chapter

It started simply: boy meets girl. Or, maybe, if you want to be progressive, girl meets boy. Or, actually, girl intrudes on boy sitting solitary in a train compartment and nothing special happens except for the fact it was the first meeting. Because, in that first meeting, no matter how boring and ordinary the introduction was, impressions were made. And everyone know that the fact is first impressions are important. However, what people often neglect to mention is the fact that opinions change. Especially over the course of a lifetime. And the opinions one had at eleven years old aren't necessarily the same when one is twenty. Or thirty. Or, actually, rather closer to forty than one would care to admit.

But, this isn't a story of a forty year old. Not yet. This is a story of beginnings, and of a girl.

Tamarisk Fowler had only been out on summer holiday for two weeks when her letter from Hogwarts arrived and turned her world upside down. Up until that moment, she lived in a perfectly ordinary world, except when things blew up unexpectedly, which didn't happen all that often. But witchcraft in wizardry was something only in her father's books, not the real world. And yet, now it was. And there she was: a witch, and currently on her way to a school she'd never heard of, in a location she didn't know, surrounded by students who were perfect strangers.

The train hadn't started moving yet, and a lot of the other kids were just milling around the hallway, talking with friends or looking for other friends. Tamarisk, of course, had no friends and had no idea what to do. How did one approach people on a crowded train?

You did not, she decided. You waited until you got to school and saw who your classmates were. The last thing Tamarisk needed was to make friends with the wrong people. She always did that, found the worst people to be friends with. Usually, they were the bright, shiny ones with a lot of glamour and popularity. And they tended to like her, until they did not anymore. And, by the time they didn't like her anymore, she usually didn't like them. Of course, by then, she was not sure how to approach anyone else, as people tended to sort themselves into cliques rather quickly. She always felt like the odd one out even though, eventually, she always found a small group of friends to be with. It was simply hard getting started.

She continued down the hallway, trying to find an empty compartment when a body blocked her path.

"Pardon me," the body said icily. His tone indicated that it was Tamarisk who should be begging pardon, and she better do it soon or else she would find out exactly what a wizard could do when displeased.

"Sorry," she said, looking up so she could meet his eyes.

They were very cold and disdainful as they gazed down at her. He simply raised his eyebrow at her and then swept past, two colleagues in tow. She turned to watch him go, fascinated by his pure white hair. It seemed natural, and she wondered if the color was common in the wizard world. Or, perhaps it wasn't, and he was as much an anomaly here as he would be in her world.

No. That wasn't right. This was her world now. Because she was a witch, not a human. No, they were all human, but they called someone who didn't know magic something else. Muggle. That was it.

Tamarisk watch the boy walk a few doors down to another compartment. As he placed his hand on the handle, he glanced back and saw her looking at him. His eyes traced her form once more, and his lip curled. "First year," she heard him say dismissively. Then he disappeared into the compartment.

Wonderful. Already drawing scorn. At least he was not in her year; he was clearly older than she was, and she doubted she see him much in the future.

The whistle blew, and the train began to move. Quickly, Tamarisk ducked into the nearest compartment, hoping that it would be easier to meet people if she was already sitting down somewhere.

There was someone in the compartment already. A boy. He was sitting in the far corner, next to the window, nose buried in a book. He did not even look up when she closed the door behind her, simply turned the page and said, "I think you have the wrong compartment."

She blinked. "I'm sorry. Were you expecting your friends?"

He snorted.

That wasn't very revealing. "Do you mind if I stay? I don't think I can I could quite handle trying to join a group of people. Too much pressure."

The boy looked up at her, surprise in his eyes. "I ... I agree," he admitted haltingly.

"May I stay?"

"If you wish." He nodded at the seat across from him and then returned to his book.

Tamarisk sat down and kicked her feet a few times on the seat. The boy showed no further signs of interest in her, which meant she could study him all she liked.

He certainly was not bright and shiny. His shoes were, though, almost obsessively so. She couldn't quite see her reflection in them, but they were shined to a near-mirror polish. His gray uniform slacks were creased sharply, though a touch too long, and his robes, though a faded black and unevenly hemmed, were neatly brushed. Nervously, she tugged at her own robes and wondered if his were the norm and she was just sloppy.

The boy raised his eyes again and frowned. "What are you looking at?" he asked warily.

"Nothing. I mean, you. I just ... I'm Tamarisk Fowler," she said, once again cursing her long-dead great aunt after whom she had been named.

"Severus Snape," the boy said. At least his name was not common either.

Tamarisk held out her hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Again, Severus looked at her warily, as if he were afraid she was going to do something. But, after a moment, he took her hand and shook it gingerly. "And you." He gave her something that almost looked like a smile.

"So," she said, sitting back. "Are you nervous? About starting a new school?"

He nodded a little reluctantly and placed his book on his lap. "A little. I'm not much for change," and Tamarisk had to smile at that. He sounded very adult, like he was repeating something he had heard people say many times before.

"It's not the change that scares me," she said. "I'm excited about all this. I just ... I hate going into something new and not knowing anyone. I'm always afraid I'll do something wrong and people will hate me."

"I haven't that worry. I know everyone will hate me," Severus said. "The few people I already know already do."

So, he was a wizard already. Born into the world. Tamarisk wondered if there were many like her. "I'm sure not everyone hates you," she said, more out of politeness than anything else. She did not really believe what she said, though. She knew how mean kids could be to each other. She'd never been universally reviled, but she had seen it happen to others. And, sadly, Severus did seem the type to be reviled.

His dark eyes seemed to flash at her. "They do. But I hate them, so it's only natural."

"Why do you hate them? Because they tease you?"

"No," he said shortly, as if offended that she had suggest he was so petty. "I have no time for people whose intelligence is sub-par."

"Sub-par?"

He nodded. "Most people are complete idiots. I see no reason to associate with people who can't carry on a simple conversation without being completely stupid."

Wow. Opinionated. Defensive. Arrogant. Her mom would love to sit down with Severus and dig through his psyche for a bit. "So are you really smart, then?"

Severus leveled a disdainful look on her and replied, "Yes."

Tamarisk tried not to squirm uncomfortably under his look. "Well, I'm glad to see modesty doesn't seem to be a problem."

"I see no reason I should be falsely modest. I'm smart, I know I'm smart, and so does everyone else. Why should I try to hide it or pretend it's not true?"

"I guess you shouldn't." She pulled her legs under her on the seat and leaned against the window. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

He stiffened and looked down at his book. "I don't know you."

"Don't you know how to make snap decisions? Most people do."

Severus turned the page. "You seem nice," he offered after a moment of silence. "You haven't managed to act imbecilic so far."

"I hope it doesn't," Tamarisk replied softly. "You're the only person I know at Hogwarts."

"You don't know ... anyone?" Severus looked up at her.

"No."

A guarded look dropped over his face, and his eyes narrowed. "Why not?"

Oh, this was not good. He seemed suspicious of her now, and she did not want that. He was, after all, the only person she knew, and she'd like at least one semi-friend going into this. "I'm, uh, my family. They aren't wizards or anything. I'm the first."

Severus swallowed hard. His hands moved a little restlessly over his book. "Oh," he said, voice quiet. "I didn't realize you were Muggle-born."

Tamarisk's heart sank. The way Severus had said Muggle-born let her know that there was something terribly wrong with being so. "Is that... bad?"

He hesitated, long fingers tapping softly on his book before he answered. "There are some in the wizard world who believe that Muggle-born wizards are inferior to pureblooded wizards. That they are dirty, polluted. For centuries, there has been debate as to whether Mudbloods should be sent to different schools than purebloods, or even not allowed to use their powers."

"So, do you hate me? For being a Muggle? Or, what did you call it? Mudblood?"

Severus's head snapped up, eyes burning. "Don't you ever call yourself that. It's a filthy insult, and only used when one wants to cut very deep."

"You said it," Tamarisk said, retreating into herself.

His pale cheeks colored. "I shouldn't have. I ... I don't dislike you. And I hate to think I'm as rude as others to someone who hasn't done me any harm. Yet."

"I like you too, Severus." Something in her relaxed, and she leaned against her seat. He might be strange, awkward, and a little rude, but at least he was someone. And he was not the usual type she was drawn to. He was unpopular, cynical, and smart. "I hope we can be friends."

Severus's eyebrow twitched, and he pretended to read his book. "I doubt it will happen. We're going to be sorted in different houses."

"How do you know?"

"I'm going to be a Slytherin. It's the house my mother was in, and her parents as well."

"What about your father?"

He froze before answering, "My father didn't attend Hogwarts."

"Oh. I didn't realize there were other wizarding schools."

"Do all Muggles go to the same school?"

She blushed and answered, "Of course not. I simply wasn't thinking. Do you want to be in Slytherin?"

He nodded. "I don't want to disappoint my family. Besides, each house has traits associated with them and I fit Slytherin most closely." He looked up again. "I hope you are sorted into Ravenclaw."

"Is that a good house?"

"None of them are _bad_ houses. However, Ravenclaws are generally intelligent, resourceful, clever, and elegant."

"You think I'm elegant?" Tamarisk could not help but be pleased.

Severus shrugged and said, "I suppose. I've known you for all of twenty-minutes, so I don't really know. But, so far, you haven't done anything puerile and immature. If you're a Ravenclaw, we might be able to continue to associate with one another."

"What are the other houses? I mean, if I'm put into one of those, why can't we be friends?" she asked, assuming that was what he really meant.

"Well," he said, "there's nothing wrong with Hufflepuffs, really. But when the best thing you can say about someone is they're hardworking and loyal, one must wonder about their mental skills. Yes, the world needs people to fill in menial positions, and be friendly and loyal, but such people tend to be wearisome."

"And the other houses?"

Severus sighed. "House. There are four, and the last is Gryffindor. The natural rivals of the Slytherins. They're known for being brave and heroic."

"Which is bad because?"

"They don't like Slytherins, and we don't like them. Members from those two houses are never friends."

"Oh." Tamarisk looked away from him and to gaze out the window. "Then I hope I get into Ravenclaw as well. But, even if I don't, I'd still like to be friends."

He sighed and whispered, "No, you won't."

"Severus," she started, but was cut off by the compartment door sliding open.

A boy their age with dark black hair and wide eyes that sparkled with mischief, stuck his head inside. "Hello," he chirped, stepping inside "First years?"

Severus's face twisted almost immediately and he scowled at he intruders.

"Yes, we are," Tamarisk answered, realizing that, if allowed to speak, Severus was going to say something very impolite. "I'm Tamarisk Fowler and this is Severus Snape."

"I'm Sirius," the boy said. He shot an appraising look at Severus that made the hairs on the back of her neck rise. Something about him made her uneasy; he had the arrogant air of a bully about him, and she felt as if she and Severus were sitting targets for him.

Severus didn't pay any attention to Sirius, though. He opened his book and held it in front of his face, ignoring them both.

"Reading already?" Sirius said. "Don't you want to take the last few hours of freedom while you can?"

"When I'm in certain company, I need to keep myself occupied so my intelligence is not dulled by theirs."

For a moment, Sirius looked at Severus blankly. Then, his eyes widened and face darkened as he realized he'd just been insulted. "You little prat!" he exclaimed. "What the bloody hell is your problem?"

"I don't appreciate being interrupted." Severus turned the page.

Before Sirius could retaliate to what Tamarisk had to admit was appalling rudeness, she leapt from her seat and grabbed Sirius by the wrist. "So, Sirius is an interesting name. Is that like the star?"

Sirius glared at Severus a moment longer before turning his gaze to her. "Yes, it is," he said, tone slightly warmer. He glanced down at her hand and smiled. "Practically everyone in my family is named after a star. My brother Regulus, and my cousins, Andromeda and Bellatrix. It's not exactly a tradition or anything, but they all though it'd be neat. I like it." He sat down, pulling Tamarisk with him. "What about you? Tamarisk is an interesting name."

She shifted on the seat, trying to get comfortable. When she let go of Sirius's wrist, though, he took hers, which made her feel hot and embarrassed. "Thank you. It's an old family name. It's a kind of plant."

"It's pretty. Where are you from?"

"London."

"So am I!" He grinned, squeezing her wrist tighter. "Why haven't we ever met?"

Severus exhaled harshly. "She's a Muggle-born," he said contemptuously.

Ignoring Severus's contempt, Sirius's eyes lit up. "Really? That's fascinating. I've always wanted to meet someone from the Muggle world. What's it like?"

She shrugged. "Um, I don't know how to answer that. It's all I know, and wouldn't know how to compare it."

"How do you survive without magic?"

"Well enough," she responded. "How do you survive without television?"

"What's television?" His eyes bored into hers intensely, as if she were the only person in the world to him.

Despite herself, Tamarisk found that she was relaxing, even enjoying the boy's attention. "Exactly. It's just the differences between worlds, that's all."

Sirius nodded. "You'll have to tell me everything, though. I want to know."

"Sirius!" Another boy, this one with messy dark hair, stuck his head in. "The trolley's coming."

He turned and nodded. "Be there in a moment." Then he turned back to Tamarisk. "Come join me and my friends in our compartment."

Startled by the invitation, Tamarisk shot a look at Severus. He was reading, acting as if he was extremely absorbed by the text.

"Um, thank you, but I don't want to be rude. Severus and I were talking."

Sirius snorted. "I'm sure it was a fascinating conversation," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure the little boy is perfectly happy with his book. He doesn't mind if you leave, do you, Snevers?"

Without looking from his book, Severus said, "I suppose not." He turned the page. "If you prefer to consort with inferior minds, you are free to go."

"I'm sure Tammy would rather be entertained by interesting people, than stuck in a compartment with a boring, snobbish, stuck-up git like you." He took my hand. "Come on, Tammy. We were going to buy some candy. You've never had wizard candy before, have you?"

"No, I haven't. It's different from regular candy?"

Sirius shrugged. "Does Muggle candy move?"

"Um, no."

Sirius nodded. "Then, yeah, it's different. Come on, it'll be fun, Tammy. It's me, my best friend James and a couple others. Lots of candy."

But Tamarisk shrank back at the thought of being surrounded by so many strangers who already knew each other. "Thank you for the invitation," she said. "But I think I'll stay here, thank you."

His face fell. "Why? You can't really prefer to stay with this prat. He's boring, Tammy."

"Well, at least he calls me by my correct name," she snapped. "Sorry," she said right away, upset that she'd snapped at someone just trying to be nice to her.

"It's okay." Sirius took her hand and squeezed it. "We won't hurt you. It'll be fun."

She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm ... shy. I'd rather wait until we got to school." She licked her lips nervously, and said, "It'll be easier."

Sirius studied her a moment before sighing. "Very well. But I'm bringing you a Chocolate Frog, and when we get to school, you have to tell me everything about the Muggle world. Promise?"

Tamarisk smiled and nodded. "I promise."

Sirius squeezed her hand and rose. "So long, Sneverus."

Severus didn't bother to respond. He was reading his book again and, in fact, didn't look up for at least fifteen more minutes. Tamarisk could tell he was angry, but didn't quite understand why. Yes, Sirius struck her as the type who might potentially be a bully, but Severus had been far more rude. He'd started everything, in fact. He had no right to be upset.

Tamarisk's mother said that everyone acted the way they did for a reason and Tamarisk should try to understand that reason. Even though she was disgusted at Severus's behavior, she tried to puzzle through why he might have behaved the way he had. He was shy, that much was obvious. And he'd said that people didn't like him. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism. Severus didn't give people to be mean to him first. It was stupid and self-destructive, but it made a twisted sort of sense.

If Tamarisk was a truly good person, she would stay friends with Severus even if he was mean. Not to her, of course, but so far, he hadn't been. But she could try to be the one person who was really his friend, to show him that he wasn't innately unlikable. It was what her mother would want her to do.

She just didn't know if she wanted to.

Sighing softly to herself, Tamarisk pulled her anagram book from her bag and flipped it open. She'd been working on the word _roast mules_ for almost two weeks now. It was supposed to turn into a one word response that made sense; so far, she'd been unable to reach that response. Generally, she was really good at figuring out anagrams, but this one had her absolutely stumped.

_Tmulesroast. Tulessoa. Toasmrules_.

It'd be really funny, she decided, if it turned out some of her guesses were spells or something.

_Souls mater_.

That was neat, except matter was misspelled and the directions in the book said that it should be a one word answer. There were plenty of two word answers, of course, but the one word was the hardest.

_Soul master_.

Even better. Still not right. Maybe she wasn't ready for this level of anagrams. Generally, the words she played with formed more than one word; this one was an extra challenge.

_Luetmoarssl_.

Frustrated, Tamarisk crossed the word out and blew out a stream of hair. This was impossible. She guessed again, shook her head, and looked up.

Severus was looking at her.

When their eyes met, his cheeks turned a dull red and he looked back at his book. Thoughtfully, Tamarisk watched him a moment.

He glanced back at her. This time she was the one to look down.

_Slum or eats_.

No.

Tamarisk looked through her eyelashes. Severus was looking at his book but, as if sensing her eyes, looked up again. This time, neither one looked away and they got into a kind of staring contest.

Severus won. After she blinked. she looked back down at the book, depressed for no good reason. She didn't even know this boy and what she did know about him--proud, rude, arrogant--wasn't very encouraging.

"What is that?" Severus asked, breaking the silence.

Tamarisk looked up. "A book of anagrams." She wondered if wizards knew what anagrams were.

Obviously they did, because Severus nodded. "You like those?" He didn't sound the way people her age usually sounded when asking her the same question, like they couldn't believe anyone would do them outside of school or something.

"I do. Any kind of puzzle or riddle, really. My mum gave me this during the summer; I'm almost done except for this one."

Severus got up and moved so he was sitting next to her. "Roast mules?"

Tamarisk nodded. "It makes lots of words, but, according to the book, you can only make one, one-word word. I can't figure it out."

He frowned. "Rostmaules," he tried. Then he took her pencil and wrote, "Seulatroas."

"None of these are spells or anything, are they?"

"No," Severus said distractedly. "And the answer is in English, right?"

"Yes."

He tried another word, then crossed it out. "I know a spell that could decode it for you."

"No!" Tamarisk exclaimed, alarmed. "I don't want to cheat like that. I want to figure it out myself."

"Oh." He gave her an admiring look, then asked, "May I help?"

Tamarisk smiled. "I'd love you to help. Most of my friends back home don't like anagrams. It's nice to have one here who does."

Severus ducked his head, eyes on the paper in front of them. He didn't say anything, but Tamarisk thought that he looked secretly pleased.

They continued to work on the anagram until they got to Hogwarts where, as predicted, Severus was sorted into Slytherin. And, of course, because what is a story without irony, Tamarisk became a Gryffindor.


	2. Chatper 2

Tamarisk first met Lily Evans in the girl's lavatory before breakfast on the first day of school. Lily was brushing her teeth; Tamarisk was dry heaving into the toilet.  
  
"Are you all right in there?" someone called through the door.  
  
Tamarisk swallowed hard and tried to order her stomach to stop jumping around so much. "I think so," she said after a moment. She took a piece of toilet paper and wiped her mouth. Then, she rose and exited the toilet.  
  
A beautiful red headed girl with lovely green eyes was looking at her anxiously. "Are you ill? Do you need to go to the hospital wing?"  
  
"Unless wizards have discovered the cure for nervousness, then, no," Tamarisk replied shakily.   
  
The girl smiled at her sympathetically. "Ah, I see. Well, unfortunately, I think nervousness is a part of life even here. Sorry that."   
  
"It's not your fault." Tamarisk went to the sink and washed her face.   
  
When she looked up, the mirror said, "You look a bit peaked, dear."   
  
She sighed and looked at the girl. "The mirrors talk," she said weakly.  
  
"I know. It's brilliant, isn't it?" The girl grinned. "I take it your parents aren't wizards either?"  
  
"No." An immense wave of relief washed over her, and she held onto the sink, feeling a little weak. "Oh, thank goodness, I was afraid I was the only Muggle-born here. I'm Tamarisk, by the way."  
  
"I know. I remember you from last night. But you don't remember my name, do you?" Before Tamarisk could admit that she didn't, the girl said, "I'm Lily. And you look like you could use some support."  
  
"I'm just all turned around right now, that's all. It's hard enough leaving for a new school, but a whole new world?" She shook her head. "Too much."  
  
Lily laughed and took her by the arm. "You'll feel better after you eat breakfast. And then we start classes, so we'll be too busy to be all confused, right?"  
  
"I hope so."  
  
Lily was like a whirlwind who swept people into her sphere. Bright, intelligent, and wonderfully beautiful, she was also one of the most outgoing and genuinely nice people in the house. She drew people to her, and, the first day, the people she drew were the outcasts. There was Tamarisk, who was so nervous she could hardly remember her name when asked; Peter Pettigrew, a chubby, awkwardly shy boy who had a slight stutter; Wendy, a tall, horsy faced girl with buck teeth whom Sirius and James were already teasing mercilessly; and Jasmine, an befuddled and overwhelmed girl with gorgeous black hair.  
  
Tamarisk suspected Lily of going out of her way to make the outcasts feel welcomed, and she loved the other girl for that. Most people she'd known in her life only used their popularity--or incipient popularity in this case--to further alienate those on the fringes. But Lily didn't; she was genuinely friendly and Tamarisk basked in her glow.  
  
The day passed quickly and without much incident. They had Herbology first, followed by History of Magic, which had to have been the most boring class she'd ever sat through. After lunch they had Charms, which was a fun class, except for the fact Sirius kept teasing her. Little things, really. Tugging at the end of her hair and kicking her chair. Then, when they were trying to make a feather float, he got his into the air first and kept knocking her in the head with it. Finally, Remus Lupin came to her rescue and knocked Sirius's feather away from her with his, and they started feather fighting until Professor Flitwick made them stop.  
  
By the end of the day, Tamarisk was feeling more comfortable with the school. The nervousness had faded and she was back to thinking of herself as a heroine in one of her father's books, something she hadn't been able to do since stepping onto the train yesterday morning. Of course, she wasn't beautiful and brilliant like any of them, but her father had always assured her he loved her more than those girls. But, still. Her life was suddenly an adventure.  
  
She actually had a magic wand. And had used it today. Not well, of course. Hers had been the last feather to lift in Charms next to Peter's, and she'd had no control, especially with Sirius distracting her so. But, still. She'd done a spell. Done magic.  
  
She was excited again about being here, but she was also feeling a bit overwhelmed. Her head ached, her skin hurt, her eyes felt gritty, and all through dinner, it felt as if every word that everyone said was trying to dig beneath her skin.  
  
Which was how she'd ended up in the Owlery after dinner, sitting in a back corner under a shelf on a pile of old blankets. Her History of Magic book was open next to her, and she was referencing it in order to fill an entire twenty-four inches of parchment on the founding of the Ministry of Magic. It was terribly boring, but she knew if she didn't start it now, she'd never get it done, so she kept at it doggedly.  
  
"What are you doing here?" a voice said suddenly, startling her.  
  
She flushed when she saw Severus Snape standing over her, holding an envelope in his hand. "Um. I'm thinking. You?"  
  
He arched and eyebrow and held the letter up. "Sending a letter to my father. By owl post. You do know about that, right?"  
  
"Yes, I do."   
  
Severus looked into the rafters and snapped his fingers. Immediately, a large, black owl with glossy feathers wafted down and landed on his arm. It really was a beautiful bird, and it stood quietly, leg outstretched as Severus tied the letter on. He fed it a treat, then lifted his arm. The bird took off.  
  
"I don't think you're supposed to be in here," Severus said, turning back to her.   
  
Tamarisk shrugged and turned her quill over in her fingers. "There's no rule specifically against it."  
  
"I thought it implied."  
  
"The Headmaster said we could not go into the Forbidden Forest or wander the grounds after dark. It is not dark and this is a good deal away from the forest. Unless forest means place where owls are kept in the wizarding world."  
  
A smile touched his thin lips. "No, it does not." He hesitated a moment, then sat on the edge of the blanket he was sitting on. "How do you like it here?"  
  
"It's wonderful. Like something out of a dream. You?"  
  
"It is acceptable. It's the best school for wizards. My father approves. My dormitory is comfortable, and the teachers I had today seem ... competent. I think I'll do well."  
  
Competent. That wasn't very flattering, but, then Severus Snape didn't seem the type to praise profusely. "I like it. The history professor seems a little ... dodgy, but he is dead. I guess you can't expect much from a ghost. He's boring, and it was impossible to pay attention in class, but at least most of what he wants comes from the book."  
  
"What does he want? I have History of Magic tomorrow."  
  
"Twenty-four inches of parchment on the founding of the Ministry of Magic." She hesitated, then said, "If you want to start now, I have extra parchment."  
  
He shook his head. "No, thank you." He plucked at the blanket restlessly. "Did Sirius ever give you a chocolate frog?"  
  
"No. He must have forgotten. He did put something sticky in my hair during Herbology, though. I had to go to the hospital wing to get it out."  
  
Severus frowned moodily. "I think he fancies you."  
  
"I think he's a silly little boy."  
  
"Do you fancy him?"  
  
She sighed, wishing he would have been satisfied with her silly little boy comment. "I don't know. He's handsome, but he makes it hard to like. I think I prefer his friend."  
  
"James Potter?" He said the name with the same loathing as he used with Sirius. She wondered why he hated them so much.  
  
"No. I mean Remus Lupin. He actually stood up for me while Sirius was teasing me. Now he's their best friend, but he still seems nice." She rubbed her fingers over the feather of her quill. "How was your day?"  
  
"Dull. Transfigurations was ... mildly intriguing, but I have no use for Charms and I am ... terrible at flying." A faint blush colored his features. "I barely got my broom off the ground."  
  
"Is it difficult?"  
  
"I find it so. But I don't care, really. There's nothing intellectual to it. Any fool can fly a broom," he said scornfully.  
  
Except you, apparently, she wanted to point out. But she kept silent. He was embarrassed enough as it was. She didn't want to make him feel worse. "Have you made any friends?" she asked instead.  
  
His face soured. "I want none. I don't need friends."  
  
"There must be somebody ..."  
  
"Most people are stupid, boring, and puerile. They are not worth my time. Besides," he added, almost as an afterthought. "You can't really trust anyone in the Slytherines. We're all clever, but manipulative and sneaky." He raised a challenging eyebrow, but Tamarisk said nothing. The Sorting Hat had said as much last night, only in rhyme. "I saw you found a friend."  
  
"Lily? Yes. I think. I mean, I like her a lot. But she probably just feels sorry for me or something." She sighed, thinking how she should be in the common room, trying to secure her place as Lily's best friend instead of hiding in the Owlery. She wanted to be there, really. Dinner had just been so noisy and overwhelming. It was soothing out here, and she'd sought the solitude without thinking what it might do to her social life.   
  
Like losing out on a best friend. She hadn't thought of that.  
  
"She's a very lovely girl," Severus said suddenly. "I saw her this morning." He paused a moment, seeming to be deep in thought. "I'm sure she doesn't feel sorry for you. I don't see why she should. You seem normal enough."  
  
"Perhaps. But I feel out of place."  
  
"I do too," he admitted quietly, eyes looking down at his lap. "At least you know how to make friends."  
  
"Well, yes. But, then, I don't show contempt for everyone I meet, like you seem to."  
  
He seemed about to say something when Professor McGonagall entered. "What are you two doing here?" she demanded, sounding startled.  
  
Severus rose to his feet stiffly. Instead of answering, he looked at her without talking, a sullen look on his face.  
  
"Sorry, Professor," Tamaris said, standing as well. "I was feeling a little overwhelmed, so I cam out here where it was quiet. Severus found me, and we've been talking."  
  
"Overwhelmed? Are you all right, or do you need to go to the hospital wing?"  
  
"I'm fine, now. It was just a headache."  
  
"Then I suggest you return to your dormitories at once. Both of you."  
  
"Yes, Professor."  
  
They both left the Owlery, Severus at a much slower pace than she. She was puzzled by his sudden insolent attitude; he seemed as if he wanted Professor McGonagall to get mad at him or something.  
  
When they reached the main staircase, Severus stopped. "My dormitory isn't up that way."  
  
"Oh. All right." She put her hand on the banister and bit her lip. "Will I see you tomorrow?"  
  
"I believe we have double Potions tomorrow."  
  
"No, I meant after school. Do you want to meet the in Owlery again."  
  
He blinked. "Why?"  
  
Stupid, stupid, stupid. "Because I like talking to you," she replied, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "And maybe you can give me a hand with my homework. You're very smart, and I'm new to all of this."  
  
Severus studied her a long moment before saying, "You won't be there."  
  
"Yes I will. In the Owlery after dinner."  
  
"No. You won't."  
  
Tamarisk rolled her eyes. "Very well, maybe I won't. You'll just have to come and see if you're right." She smiled. "Goodnight, Severus." She turned and briskly climbed up the stairs.  
  
His reply was soft, so soft she almost missed it. But, when she was halfway up, she heard the words, "Goodnight, Tamarisk," float up after her, bringing a smile to her face. 


	3. Chapter 3

Tamarisk didn't know if it was because of Lily, or because witches were just nicer than ordinary girls, but no one was especially mean to her because of her frequent disappearances. She got teased, and her housemates always wanted know where it was she disappeared to every night, but there is no cruelty in their words and she was never excluded from anything. Every evening when she returned to the common room after spending time with Severus in the Owlery, there were inquiries and sly words about what she could be doing and with whom, but no one was unduly malicious. The acceptance helped Tamarisk begin to feel at home that Hogwarts.

She didn't mean to be unsocial or anything, it was just that Tamarisk found it hard to be around so many people all day long. She always had. For the most part choose a quiet introspective girl who didn't find enjoyable to be trapped into a throng of people. She liked being alone, and, in fact, found it strangely tiring to be around her schoolmates. This is why, despite who desire to be liked and to be normal for once, Tamarisk found herself every night inside the Owlery with Severus studying and doing homework.

Even though her housemates still accepted her she'd been right about Lily. After the first night in the Owlery, Tamarisk and return to the Gryffindor common room to find Lily in deep conversation with a girl named Crystal. Two days later, Lily and Crystal were best friends, joined a the hip, and absolutely inseparable.

Luckily, though, Lily didn't freeze Tamarisk out just because she'd been absent the first night. Lily may have been best friends with Crystal, but she still had a space for Tamarisk in her circle. The three girls formed a small group of friends. It wasn't quite that clique as Lily was too all-inclusive to close any one out in something quite as catty, but they definitely had it a partiality for one another. However, Tamarisk could clearly see that although they were friends, Crystal pretty much only put up with Tamarisk suppose it's because Lily liked her.

Tamarisk didn't mind. She had friends at least and she really did adore Lily. Besides Tamarisk didn't mind. After all, she had Severus, who was, as predicted, extremely unpopular. However, he was still appealing to a fellow loner like Tamarisk. Severus was probably her best friend of all, even though he didn't even believe they were really friends. Every day, he acted as if it was the last time they would ever speak to one another. Every day, she asked if he'd meet her in the Owlery the next day and every day he assented even while insisting that she would not be there. Despite his insistence, Tamarisk was there every day, waiting for him. And, ever day, he came.

There was an added benefit to meeting him every day, one besides friendship. School was difficult for Tamarisk; she was continually baffled and confused by ordinary things that the other students took for granted. Sometimes, it took her so long to grasp something as basic as the idea pixies existed, she couldn't remember the spell to help ward them off.

Luckily, Severus understood _everything_. He really was a smart as he said. While people like Crystal and Sirius could explain the every day realities of being a wizard, it was Severus who help Tamarisk learn and understand the scholarly side. As long as Tamarisk asked the right questions, he was able to explain what she needed to know and what he felt she needed, which was often more in depth and complicated than even the teachers went into. But Severus was a perfectionist, and he pounded information into her head until her fatigued headache was mutated into a different kind of ache.

They took to doing homework together at every night and, with Severus's intense tutoring, Tamarisk began to instinctively understand things that it previously been alien her. Severus may not have been a natural teacher, but he adapted and even what he didn't, Tamarisk have the ability to translate what he was trying to get across.

Very quickly, Tamarisk's favorite class became potions, mostly because that was Severus's favorite. when he talked about it, his eyes would burn and his cheeks would turn pink. He would have an aura about him of excitement and intensity that was missing when they studied something like history and budget or charms.

"It's harder than waiting is stick around and memorizing Latin words," he said one day. "You have to be precise. One teaspoon over what you actually need can ruin a potion. The inclusion of an unknown substance can be disastrous to the outcome. You need to know why the ingredients and mix and react as they do. If you don't you're just a child with a mixing bowl."

"But ... we don't exactly learn the why in class. Just the how."

Severus fixture with the familiar disdainful look. It was the one that cut, that made her squirm as he made her realize she just said something incredibly stupid.

"He teaches as the why," Severus said. "But most people are too caught up in playing around to listen."

Tamarisk felt about two centimeters tall. "I'm not playing around," she said defensively. "Sometimes Sirius and James distract me, yes, but I'm not playing around. I'm trying not to blow anything up. I'm helpless, you know."

His expressions seem to soften minutely. "Well," he said. "You are only _mostly_ helpless."

"I wouldn't be with some tutoring," she said pointedly. "Maybe if you taught me the why, I'd get the how much easier even when the distraction."

Severus looked startled, and then thoughtful. "Very well," he said after a moment's contemplation. "I will."

And he was a harsh tutor, but good and fair. She liked the way he taught, the way he spoke, the way he made complicated puzzles fall open before her so easily.

But it was more than that. It wasn't just that he was a good teacher. Tamarisk liked him because he was quiet and smart and lonely and, to be honest, because he made her feel special.

And it wasn't as if he purposely tried to make her feel special. He could be short and cutting with her. Often, during class, he ignored her completely and would get annoyed if she tried to talk to him. That hurt, even though she knew it was a perspective instinct he just told her his housemates wouldn't understand why he, "tolerated the nattering of a Gryffindor."

But the fact remain at he did tolerate her nattering. She was the only one he did tolerate. Severus was an odd child and an angry one. Within the first two weeks, he'd alienated everyone except Tamarisk. Some, like Sirius and James, had been his adversaries before they even got to school. But the others Severus turned against him by his attitude and arrogance. He could be very mean and had a knack of delivering the perfect insult to absolutely destroy a person, which he seemed to do if anyone got too close. It was as if he didn't even want to give himself the chance of friendship.

"I don't want friends," say he said one day when she'd asked why he was so cruel.

"Why not?" While Tamarisk understood not wanting _many_ friends she didn't quite get not want _any_ friends at all.

He sighed and dipped his quill into the pot of ink they were sharing. "People don't like me. And with good reason. I don't like them, but I'm too different anyway. Life is better this way."

"He's like a textbook case," Tamarisk said that night to Lily. She, Lily, and crystal were in their dormitory sitting on the least bad. Lily was braiding Tamarisk's hair; Crystal was braiding Lily's hair.

"How so?"

"It's like a self-filling prophecy. He thinks everyone is going to hate him so he acts nasty and mean to everyone, so they do hate him." She bit her thumb. "I think he has low self confidence, which is weird because he's so smart. My mom says it's too bad wizards don't believe in psychology, because she thinks she can help him."

"What's psychology?" Crystal asked. She was done with the Lily's hair, so she stretched out on the bed.

"It's like a doctor--I mean a healer--only for your mind instead of your body," Tamarisk replied.

"Oh," she said dismissively. " oh what you spend so much time Snivellrus Snap. He really is horrible. And ugly."

"Well, he's not horrible to me."

"I'm glad he's not," Lily said. "But I'd do you wish you'd study with us instead of him. You've got practically the highest marks in our class."

Tamarisk blushed. "But only because Severus helps me."

Crystal rolled her eyes. "But we're your best friends. You should tell us what he teaches you. Otherwise, it's not fair."

"I'll help if I can, " she said awkwardly.

"Good."

And, just like that, the conversation about Severus was done. Crystal, obviously bored with the topic, started talking about boys and a different guys she had a crush on. That meant it was Tamarisk's turn to be bored. She was always boarded people talked about boys. It was also stupid. All the girls had crushes on the boys and none of the boys showed any interest in any of the girls.

Well, Severus had said Lily was lovely. Maybe he was interested in her. Tamarisk and seen him watching her before, during Potions and once while at dinner. But, then, Lily stood out, so everyone looked at her.

Tamarisk sighed and tried to join in on the conversation. Even though she was more interested in potions or new spells or flying, Crystal and Lily where her best friends. And besides, she was eleven years old now; maybe it was time for her to start getting crushes on boys, too.

"I think James is cute," Lily said.

Crystal smiled wickedly. "All right, now you have to kiss and before Halloween."

"Crystal!" Lily shrieked. Her face turned bright red.

"And I'll kiss Sirius," Crystal said.

"I don't know..."

"It'll be fun! They're both so cute. Don't you want a boyfriend?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."

Crystal batted her eyes. "Well, try. We'll see if we can do it, but we have to make a pact."

"Okay," Lilly mumbled, hiding behind her hair. "What about Tam?"

Crystal smiled that wicked smile once more. "What about Snivellrus?"

Tamarisk heart lurched at the thought, but Lilly shook her head. "It has to be someone from our house," she said decisively. "And it should be Remus. You like him, right?"

Tamarisk thought about it a moment. She thought about the tall, pale skin a boy with beautiful eyes and sandy blond hair. He was nice enough, always was neat and polite, always respectful even when he and Sirius, James, and Peter were planning do something terribly And those four boys were always getting into some sort of mischief.

"Well," Tamarisk said quietly," Remus is sort of cute."

"All right, it's decided," Crystal said. "You have to kiss them by Halloween or you have to do something horrible."

"Like what?" Tamarisk asked, stomach sinking.

Crystals eyes gleamed evilly. "You have to do whatever the other two say. Agreed?" She held out her pinky.

"Agreed," Lily said, still blushing so hard, her cheeks were the shade of he hair. She linked pinkies with Crystal, then turned her large green eyes on Tamarisk.

Tamarisk didn't want to agree. She didn't want to kiss Remus and she didn't want to have to kiss anybody.

But she didn't want to be left out either. She'd been an outcast unwelcomed and liked at her old school, back at home. Hogwarts was her new home, and she had friends here. She wanted to keep having friends, and if that meant she had the kiss to keep boy, then she would kiss a cute boy.

Heart pounding, she linked pinkies with the other girls and said, in a voice that only shook a bit, "Agreed."


	4. chapter 4

Within two days, all the Gryffindor first year girls were in on the kissing game. Everyone waned to kiss someone and most every girl wanted to kiss either Sirius or James. They were both popular and cute and they had the best sense of humor and timing of anyone. They were constantly acting out, putting on shows, and disrupting the most boring classes. But they had such wonderful personalities and brilliant smiles, not even the teachers could stay annoyed at them for long.

Tamarisk liked them, too, for the most part. There was just one aspect of them that drove her insane, and that was their treatment of Severus. The both hated him and took a sort of cruel delight in tormenting him. They could, at times, be downright nasty. As much as Tamarisk liked the boys, they could make her extremely uncomfortable at the same time.

For their part, the boys seemed amused by the whole game. The flirted terribly with anyone who'd set their minds on kissing them. In a way, Tamarisk was lucky that Crystal had chosen Remus for her to kiss; Remus seemed almost as embarrassed as Tamarisk was and never spoke about it.

As for Severus, Tamarisk had no idea if he knew or not. There were days she thought he _must_. After all, talk of it seemed to be the only thing besides school she ever heard about. The only time she escaped it was during class, after school during Flying Club, and after supper when she and Severus studied. As curious Tamarisk was about Severus's reaction to her kissing another boy, at the same time, she was relieved not to have to think about it.

A week went by. Crystal flirted shamelessly with Sirius, who, though amused, seemed a little put off. Lily almost never spoke to James and Tamarisk pretended like she'd never heard of the bet. Sirius started throwing Tamarisk looks, and Severus remained blissfully caustic and normal.

And then, one day, he showed up at the Owlery with a black eye.

"What happened?" Tamarisk asked, aghast. She hadn't seen him since that afternoon at lunch; he'd been missing at dinner, but since he often seemed reluctant to eat, she hadn't thought anything about it. Now, however, she was worried.

He lifted a shoulder in a half shrug. "I fell off my broom again," he said stiffly. "What happens when you mix witch hazel with toad slime?"

"It combusts," she replied automatically. "You didn't have flying today, and you never come to after school practice."

He ignored her completely as he opened his books.

"Oh," she said softly. "It was Sirius, wasn't' it?"

"It doesn't matter," he said, voice sharp. "I'd rather you not get involved."

"But you're my friend."

"Perhaps. But Sirius had three friends, plus his entire house backing him. You don't want everyone turning on you; it'd make your life miserable."

He was right. She'd rather not be a pariah, but that didn't stop her feeling righteously angry on his behalf. The worst thing was, he wouldn't stick up for himself, not really. He'd continue to argue with them and put the boys down at every chance he got, but Sirius fought with his fists not his words. They'd never be evenly matched.

It was up to Tamarisk to do something.

The next day was double Potions with the Slytherins. They were making a Honey-Voice potion, guaranteed to give anyone who drank it a beautifully enchanting voice for at least an hour. It was a very basic potion, except for the extreme precision required for the measurements. Everything had to be exact or it could go horribly wrong.

"Careful," Tamaris warned Remus, who was her partner that day.

"What?"

She stopped his hand. "You have to mince, not chop. It has to be as fine as you can make it, otherwise you'll sound like a frog for hours."

"How do you always know this stuff?" he asked admiringly.

She smiled and pulled a few sprigs of parsley from the bunch on their table. "I have a good tutor. Um, I'll be back in a moment."

Parsley in hand, she walked to the supply cupboard and grabbed a vial of olive oil. As she walked back to her table, she stopped off at Sirius and James's table.

"Hey, Sirius," she said, smiling as sweetly as she could manage.

Sirius immediately stopped working and smiled hugely at her. "Hey, Tammy. How you doing?"

"Very well. How's your potion?"

"It's easy, isn't it? I mean, last week when we did that silence spell, it was a lot harder. This is a piece of cake."

"Oh, yes. It is." She sort of batted her eyelashes at him. "You know, I've always wanted to have a beautiful singing voice. Looks like today that dream will come true."

"Do you sing?" he asked, leaning closer.

Next to him, James gagged and rolled his eyes.

Tamarisk glared at him, and then said, "Not really." She slid her hand slowly over the pile of nightingale claws and sprinkled the parsley in with it. "I mean, sometimes. I don't much here. I don't want anyone to hear me."

"I want to hear you sometime."

She blushed and looked away. "Maybe after the potion." With a final smile, she pulled away and returned to her table.

Remus shot her a look. "What did you do?"

Tamarisk looked at him in wide-eyed innocence. "I got us olive oil. It smoothes the voice." S he held the vial out to him.

He took it, looking at her doubtfully. But, he let the subject drop and they went back to the potion.

Fifteen minutes later, Sirius and James had the voices of three year old girls.

* * *

"Hey! Tammy!"

Tamarisk turned, clutching the handle of her broom. Sirius and James were barreling across the Quidditch pitch, serious business on their faces.

She swallowed nervously. "Hi, guys. You sound like your old selves."

Sirius grabbed a broom from Madam Perin, who taught flying and supervised the after school flying practice. It was a fairly popular activity, especially for first years who were too young to play Quidditch. It was held for two hours after the last class and before dinner. Tamarisk, who loved flying, was there almost every day.

"We know what you did, Tammy," Sirius said, eyes dancing with mischief. "You'd better run."

She back away from him slowly, unsure if he was really going to do something. Bubbles of laughter were rising in her throat, and she knew her face was bright red.

"Find, stand there! Make it easy." He reached out, almost grabbing her robe.

With a startled shriek, Tamarisk leapt onto her broom and took off. Below, she could hear Madam Perin's whistle; games like tag and chase were strictly forbidden, but, suddenly, Tamarisk couldn't bring herself to care.

"You're a dead woman, Tammy!" Sirius shouted.

"Why are you mad?" she tossed over her shoulder as she weaved in and out of the other flying kids. "You were such a sweet sounding little girl! Ahhh!" she swerved as James came on her left. As she twisted out of his reach, she accidentally maneuvered herself into the path of someone else. Her heart lurched, and then she went into a stomach-churning drive.

Sirius zoomed from underneath her. She veered up and narrowly avoided crashing into Crystal, who was passing by.

The chase continued for some time. James was _really _good at this. He always seemed to anticipate where Tamarisk was going to be next. Several times, James almost managed to catch her, but she was able to get away each time.

"Got you!" Sirius shouted suddenly. Unlike James, who'd been concentrating on grabbing her robe, Sirius came from behind her. He had hold of the end of her broom and was smiling victoriously.

Tamarisk let out another shriek, then bit her tongue. Quickly, she whipped her broom around, tossing Sirius off. He shouted in surprise, and as Tamarisk climbed higher into the air, she could hear his delighted laughter following her.

This was fantastic. The thrill of the chase, the cold air whipping over her cheeks. Flying _fast_ though the air, darting in and out students. This was completely worth the points they were going to be docked.

And, then, suddenly, the fun ended. Tamarisk, free of both James and Sirius, flew back down towards a group of students. Crystal went past her again, and her face was like a thundercloud. She glared at Tamarisk, eyes dark before thrusting her nose in the air and crossing her path.

Tamarisk swallowed, suddenly nauseated and dizzy. Her temples pounded with a sudden rush of blood, and the world spun out of control around her. Sweat broke out on her face and hands, and she was so, so cold.

"Got you again!" she heard Sirius say as if from far away. And then, with a panicked note in his voice, "Tamarisk!"

Wind whipped around her, and the ground flew over her head. It took her a second to realize that she'd fallen off her broom and was speeding to the ground. Her robes fluttered around her body and her arms flailed. There were screams, distant. And then, one near. Her throat hurt, and...

"I've got you! Sirius, help!" James shouted. He had her by the wrist, grip bruising. The horrible, out-of-control descent had been halted, but they were still sinking.

Sirius came underneath her. One arm wrapped around her waist, and he pulled her onto his broom. "All right, Tammy?"

"Y-yes." She was shaking uncontrollably, so cold and frightened.

He pulled her into him, his arm holding her safe. They gently wafted down to the ground, and Sirius pulled her off the broom.

Madam Perin and Professor McGonagall were there, pulling her from Sirius, who seemed to be clutching her as if he didn't want to let go.

She couldn't breathe. The air was closing around her, tight and thick. Tamarisk gasped painfully, trying to get air into her lungs.

"Fowler," McGonagall said. "Calm down." She touched Tamarisk's cheek with her hand.

The world exploded around her. The last thing she remembered as she was lost to a sea of pain was Severus's white and drawn face appearing above her next to Sirius's. Then, everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Migraines were nothing new to Tamarisk. Ever since she was a young child, she'd been plagued by them. She got so many headaches that she was often in and out of the hospital for tests and scans and MRIs. She was always given a clean bill of health, though; there was nothing wrong with her body, so her headaches were put off to stress and panic attacks.

This particular migraine was brutal. The pain was so intense that she threw up. The faintest light blinded her, and once she woke up, she couldn't get back to sleep. Her brain felt as if it were going to snap in half, and tears rolled down her cheeks out of her control.

Madam Pomfrey finally mixed a potion strong enough to make the headache fade. Once it was gone, Tamarisk was able to slip into a deep sleep.

When she woke, the pain was manageable, but her vision was still off. There was a faint aura around everything, and her body ached from exhaustion. She spent the entire day in the hospital wing, alternately sleeping and crying softly, wishing for home. After all, at home there were her parents to sit with her, and a television and radio and her blankets and pillows and... Just home. Here? All she could do was sleep, drink broth, and sip pumpkin juice while staring at the walls.

No one came to visit her until after the last class of the day. Not surprisingly, it was Lily who came, fully of smiles and sympathy and gossip.

"You sure you're all right?" she asked.

"Yes. I get headaches all the time. I brought my medicine in my trunk, but Madam Pomfrey gave me something instead tat worked just as well."

"I'm glad. That was wonderful flying that you did yesterday. Before you fell, I mean."

Tamarisk blushed. "Thank you. It was fun. I just hope I'm not in too much trouble."

Lily shook her head. "Professor McGonagall took 10 points for breaking the rules, but Madam Perin gave five points to all three of you for spectacular broomsmanship and five more to James for catching you. Everyone's thinks he's a shoo-in for the Quidditch team next year."

Tamarisk nodded absentmindedly, mind still on the lost points. "I'm glad I didn't put us behind. I'd feel awful if I had."

"Everything's all right, though. Well, except Crystal is furious at you. She thinks that you did everything to make Sirius kiss you. Last night, she went to him and told him that you were trying to impress Remus because you like him. And then Sirius got mad at Remus because Remus said that he thought you were pretty, but Sirius said that he'd already said that and Remus was betraying him by liking the same girl. But now they're okay again. But Crystal isn't, because both boys like you." Lily sighed. "I think this kissing bet was a stupid idea."

"I agree," Tamarisk said, uncomfortable at the thought of two boys liking her.

"I mean, I don't even want to kiss James anymore. Today, he got Peter to eat a slug, and then Peter threw up all over Professor Sprout and got detention for being stupid enough to eat the slug in the first place." She shook her head. "James is so stupid. I mean, Peter is such a nice boy, but he just does whatever James says. And James completely exploits that."

Tamarisk twisted the blanket in her hands, not really listening to Lily's rant on James. Her mind was preoccupied with other matters. "Can you tell Crystal that I don't like either Sirius or Remus? And if she wants to kiss Sirius, she can?"

"I will," Lily said doubtfully, "but I don't think it'll help. They don't like her." She sighed. "Anyway, I have to go. I need to finish my essay for Defense against the Dark Arts."

"All right." Tamarisk had finished the essay earlier that week with Severus. "I'll see you later, then."

"Feel better."

Worn out by Lily's visit, Tamarisk slipped back to sleep. When she woke once more, Severus was next to her bed, nose buried in a textbook.

"Severus," she said sleepily, rubbing her eyes. Her vision was normal again, to her relief.

He looked up. "Madam Pomfrey said I could stay with you until dinner. I wanted to." He just stopped talking, eyes searching her face.

"I'm glad you're here." She sat up, head feeling light in the absence of pain.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. I'm a little shaky, but the headache is gone."

He nodded, fingers tightening on his quill. "Did you fall from your broom on purpose?"

Tamarisk blinked, an unpleasant bolt going through her. "What?"

"To impress Sirius."

Her body was immediately engulfed in flames of embarrassment. "No! I would never try to impress anyone by making myself look stupid. I mean, maybe I was showing off before I fell, but I didn't mean to fall. I got a headache."

He seemed to relax at her words. His fingers loosened around his quill and his shoulders relaxed. "Do you know what brought on the headache?"

She shook here head. "No. It was a migraine. I get them all the time. It's like my brain just shut down because of the pain." She sighed. "I guess this means Quidditch is out. I mean, getting a couple of migraines when I played football was one thing. There was no broom to fall off of. I can't risk this, though."

"No," Severus agreed. "I didn't realize you wanted to play Quidditch."

She rubbed her forehead. "I like sports. I wish there were more in the wizard world." He lay back on her pillows and plucked restlessly at the long sleeves of her nightgowns. "Are you angry at me?"

"Should I be?"

"You hate people who play sports."

"Only if they're stupid, which you are not."

She blushed at the compliment. "Thank you." She sighed and closed her eyes. "I don't want to go back. I wonder if they'll let me stay here."

"Do you feel ill?"

"No. But everyone thinks I want to kiss Remus, now." He looked at him from under her eyelashes to see his reaction.

A look of confusion washed over his face before he composed himself once more. "Why shouldn't you? He's a very handsome boy." He said it the same way he'd said Lily was a lovely girl.

"You think so?"

Severus nodded stiffly. "He seems nice enough as well, despite his friends." He seemed to hesitate a moment before he said, "I thought you wanted to kiss Sirius."

"_No_."

Severus didn't say anything. He just lowered his head and started working on his homework once more.

"Well," Tamarisk said thoughtfully, "none of this matters anyway. I _don't_ want to kiss Remus, and, even if I did, he wouldn't want to kiss me. I mean, boys don't want to kiss anyone, right?"

"Some boys do." Then, cheeks a dull red, he said, "Lucius Malfoy kisses a lot of girls."

"But he's older. When you're older, everyone wants to kiss everyone else."

"Sirius Black wants to kiss you."

Tamarisk flushed red hot so her face felt as if it were on fire. For a moment, it felt as if her headache were going to return, but, to her relief, it stayed away. "I don't know why he would," she said softly. "It's not like I'm pretty or anything. Not like Lily. And I did ruin his potion and... Where are you going?" she asked as Severus rose, gathering his belongings.

"You're being a stupid girl. I don't want to listen."

"How am I being stupid?"

He sighed and looked at her, annoyance written clearly across his face. "You are very pretty. At least as pretty as Lily. And you're clever. Sirius liked that you played a trick on him. It makes you interesting. And you gave him a good chase. Of course he likes you."

"Oh," she said softly, unsure of what to say. It almost sounded like Severus liked her, too, but she was too afraid to ask.

Madam Pomfrey came in at that moment. "How are you feeling, dear?"

"Better," Tamarisk said faintly. She still felt hot and embarrassed.

"Do you want to eat in the Great Hall or here?"

Tamarisk shook her head. "Here, please. Otherwise my headache will come back."

"Very well. I'll go get you supper; Severus, you'll have to go now."

"Can't he stay?" Tamarisk was so tired of being alone, and Severus's presence was soothing. "Please?"

Madam Pomfrey looked doubtfully at Severus. "I don't know, Tammy. I don't want you to get too tired."

"Her name is Tamarisk," Severus said in a clipped tone. "And she is not an invalid."

Madam Pomfrey's eyebrow arched, and she was about to say something when a new voice said, "It's all right, Madam Pomfrey. Mr. Snape may stay with Miss Fowler. Please, can you see about getting both of them dinner?"

It was the headmaster. Oh, this was bad. Maybe she _was_ in trouble. Either that, or she was sicker than she thought.

The headmaster smiled at her as Madam Pomfrey bustled out of the room.

"How are you feeling, Miss Fowler?"

"Better, Headmaster." She shot a look at Severus, who was sitting stiffly, face carefully composed.

"Good, good. I was hoping that you might explain to me what happened yesterday."

So, she was in trouble. Well, if she was going to be, she might as well bring everyone down with her. "Well, you see, Sirius Black hit Severus the other day, and since boys never tell on each other, I thought I'd get Sirius back. So..."

"I mean on the broom," he interrupted gently. "And your headache."

She blinked, taken a little off guard. "My headache? It's just a migraine. They hit me suddenly, sometimes. Completely out of the blue. My mum says I get them because of stress."

"I see." Professor Dumbledore nodded gravely. "And have you been very stressed lately?"

Tamarisk shrugged. "Well. Not really. Not this week. I'm getting used to school, understanding my classes. I'm not as taken off guard by everything. I miss my parents, but..." She glanced at Severus and blushed. "Well, there was this stupid contest my friend Crystal came up with. That's been on my mind. And she was very angry with me yesterday while we were flying."

"Angry?"

"Yes." She bit her thumb. "While Sirius and James were chasing me, Crystal crossed my path. I could tell she was furious."

"She fell right after Crystal flew by her," Severus said suddenly.

Tamarisk turned to him, surprised. She hadn't thought he'd been there. She wondered why he was; he hated flying.

Severus's eyes were turned inward, a thoughtful look on his face. "When Tamarisk first fell, I thought maybe Crystal had pushed her off. She was close enough, I suppose, although at the wrong angle. But, then, it wouldn't make much sense if she had; Sirius had grabbed her broom a bit before, and Tamarisk had been fine." He looked up at Professor Dumbledore, eyebrows raised and a very adult look on his face.

The headmaster nodded as if he'd been expecting that answer. "Thank you, Mr. Snape, Miss Fowler. If you ever have anymore headaches, even a slight one, please come to the hospital wing immediately. Do you understand?"

She sighed. It was nothing she hadn't heard before. "Yes, Headmaster."

"And you, Mr. Snape. I'm expecting you to make sure she does come here. Don't let her try to hide the pain or put it off as nothing."

"Very well," Severus said doubtfully, looking at me as if he expected me to always fight him, screaming and kicking.

Professor Dumbledore smiled. "Then it's settled. Do make sure you do as I ask; any time you've a headache. I want to make sure you're as healthy as possible. And, now, here is your dinner, so I will leave you. Have a good night."

They said goodnight, and Severus set his books aside so he could eat. They ate quietly, with very little conversation. Tamarisk didn't know what to say; she was embarrassed and uncomfortable at having caused such a fuss by a little pain n her head, and Severus seemed lost in thought. However, he came back to himself when they were through and back on familiar ground, studying together.

Snape filled her in on Charms and Transfigurations, which she'd missed that day. Then he gave her a head start on Herbology, which she had the next day. Both of them did that quite often, giving each other the background of the lesson so they already knew what to do when they got to class. It was, perhaps, an unfair advantage, but, as Tamarisk pointed out, if the houses didn't insist on competing with each other and worked together instead, everyone could have a similar advantage. After Herbology, they went on to Potions, reading ahead to the next spell and finishing their summaries on the Honey-Voice potion and it's possible applications and risks in the real world.

When they were done, Tamarisk licked her lips and tugged at her blankets uncomfortably. "Will you be in the Owlery tomorrow after dinner?"

Severus didn't reply. He was carefully organizing his belongings in his satchel, putting each item in very delicately as if he didn't want to upset the balance and order. It was nothing Tamarisk hadn't seen before; Severus was an extremely fastidious boy. Everything he owned was kept in perfect condition, everything had a precise place in his bag and if it got out of place, he'd stop and rearrange everything. He'd been late to class before due to his organizational needs.

Tamarisk often wondered what his room was like.

Finally, after placing his quill in it's protection case, he said, "If that is where you want to meet." As if that wasn't where they _always_ met.

"Severus," she said uncertainly, twisting her nightgown in her hands. "If you'd rather not... I mean, if you don't want..."

He moved so quickly that she didn't have time to react. One minute, he was snapping his satchel shut, the next his hands were gripping her shoulders too tightly and his lips were on hers.

The kiss didn't last long, and it wasn't magic and sunbeams or anything. His nose pressed into her cheek awkwardly and his lower lip was wet and he held her in place too hard, as if he was afraid that she was going to run away.

But. It was a kiss. And it was _Severus's_ kiss.

And then, it was over. He pulled away and picked up his satchel. "Good night, Tamarisk," he said almost primly, as if he hadn't just _kissed_ her. And then, without waiting for her to reply, he just... left.


	6. Chapter 6

Madam Pomfrey released Tamarisk from the infirmary the next morning after breakfast. The Gryffindor tower was nearly empty of students when she got back, a fact for which she was grateful. Her headache was gone, physically she was fine, but her mind was in turmoil.

Why had Severus kissed her? Did he like her? With most boys, that would seem the obvious answer, but with Severus, she wasn't sure. It wasn't just because he acted differently from other boys. It was also the way he'd done it. Suddenly, out of the blue, with no warning, his lips had been on her, his hands had been squeezing her shoulders so tightly like...

Like he owned her or something. Like she belonged to him.

Which was why she wasn't convinced that he'd done it because he'd liked her. He'd been her first friend, before Sirius had decided to butt into their conversation. Sirius was popular and charming--sort of--athletic and outgoing. Tamarisk and Sirius were in the same house. And, to be honest, Sirius was much better looking than Severus. It'd make sense for Tamarisk to like him.

And Severus did seem to expect her to stop being friends with him any day now. So, in some ways, the kiss didn't feel like a way for him to let her know he liked her; it made her feel like he'd been making sure that he'd kissed her before anyone else got a chance.

Shaking that uncomfortable thought aside, Tamarisk sat on her bed and grabbed her brush. She wasn't looking forward to the day. If Lily was right, then everyone thought she liked Sirius. And, even worse, both Sirius and Remus liked her. She didn't understand why they would, except the both thought she wanted to kiss them and she didn't.

Crystal was stupid, anyway, she thought furiously, brushing her hair more forcefully. It was all her fault. If she hadn't thought of the whole stupid kissing bet, none of this would have happened. And she still had a week and a half to get through before the bet was officially over.

The clock next to her bed chimed suddenly; when she glanced at it, she saw the hands pointing to _Late for Charms_. She sighed, dropped her brush, and grabbed her wand and books. With any luck, Professor Flitwick wouldn't get too angry; he was generally easy-going.

"Hi, Peter," she said on finding the other boy in the common room. "We're going to be late."

"I know." He was frantically digging through cushions on the floor, his face a mask of worry. "I've lost my wand."

Tamarisk glanced around the room. "When did you notice it was gone?"

"Just now."

"Did you have it at breakfast?"

Peter shrugged and ran his hands through his hair, making it stick straight up. "I don't think so."

Tamarisk bit her lip and glanced around. The other day, she'd come across a summoning charm while reading ahead in her charm book; she hadn't tried it yet, but Severus had told her that it was quite common and really very simple. But, then, Severus thought most things having to do with magic were simple, so he wasn't exactly a reliable person to ask. Still, chances were, if the other boys hadn't stolen Peter's wand as a joke, it was in the common room, which meant the charm should, probably, maybe, work.

Pulling her own wand from her pocket, Tamarisk took a deep breath and said, "_Accio_ wand." She felt the tingling of magic travel through her body and, a moment later, the wand smacked her in the face.

Rubbing her eyes, she picked it off the floor. "Here."

"How did you do that?" Peter asked, wide-eyed.

"You mean you've never seen that charm before?"

"No, I have." He followed her out of the tower. "My mum uses it all the time. But I tried it the other day when James, Sirius, Remus and I were stealing Chocolate Frogs from the sixth years dormitory, and I was the only one who couldn't make them come." He frowned. "My dad said I'm like a Squib, only more useless."

"Squib?"

"A person who has wizard parents but can't do magic," Peter explained, beginning to huff. They were hurrying through the empty halls at top speed, and he was very out of shape.

"That's mean. And untrue."

Peter just shrugged like he didn't expect anything else from anyone.

"You're late," Professor Flitwick said when they burst into the classroom.

Face flushed, Peter looked down. "I'm sorry, Professor. I couldn't..."

"He was waiting for me," Tamarisk interrupted. If Peter confessed that he'd lost his wand, he'd get in trouble. Again, actually, since he'd done it a few weeks ago before Transfigurations and the entire class had received a long lecture from Professor McGonagall about the importance of a knowing where your wand was at all times. "I got back late from the hospital wing, and he waited to make sure I got here okay."

Professor Flitwick looked at her closely. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, yes. I'm feeling much better, thank you." But she smiled as weakly as she could and swayed lightly on her feet, just to make it seem as if she were merely putting on a brave front. It meant that she wouldn't be able to do flying practice that afternoon, most likely, but if it kept her and Peter from getting into trouble...

The professor believed her. He waved them onto their seats and went back to lecturing about drought charms.

Peter quickly took a seat near James and pulled his book from his bag. Tamarisk moved more slowly, hoping that she was missing an empty seat somewhere. Right now, the only open seat she saw was next to Remus, and she didn't want to sit there. Especially not with Remus looking right at her, his pale cheeks flushed slightly and an almost embarrassed smile on his face.

There were no open seats. And, worse, Remus pulled his bag off the seat next to him when she approach. It wasn't just an empty seat; it was an empty seat he'd saved for her.

Heart thundering in her chest, Tamarisk sat down. "Thanks," she said quietly. She opened her book and turned to drought charms, pretending to be immediately absorbed.

"You feeling better?" Remus whispered.

Tamarisk nodded and took out her quill.

"I saved you a seat."

"I know. Thanks." Dutifully, she began taking notes.

Remus frowned. "I saw you fall. I was worried. I wanted to visit you, but they wouldn't let me."

"It's all right. I mostly slept."

"Lily and Severus visited you."

She glanced at him. "And, except when they were there, I slept." She bent her head forward, allowing her hair to curtain her face so she couldn't see him anymore, ending the conversation.

Next class was History of Magic, and apparently it was Sirius's turn to sit next to her. Unlike Remus, who was polite and respectful, Sirius was... not. After she refused to respond to his taunts about the kissing bet, he took to poking her in the side with his wand, tugging her hair, and kicking her under the table.

He was such an annoying prat.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Tamarisk asked Lily as they went to lunch. "Sirius and Remus have been following me around all day."

Lily smiled. "I told you that they both liked you. They decided to see which one of them you liked better."

"Why?"

"I guess they want you to go steady with one of them or something. It's kind of sweet."

"But I don't like them. Either of them."

"Well, no one really believes that," she said, glancing over at Crystal. Crystal had been throwing Tamarisk dirty looks all day. "Especially since the whole chase thing."

"Remus wasn't even chasing me."

"No, but Sirius was."

She was so tired of all this. The boys were so annoying that Tamarisk was glad to miss flying practice after school. She went directly to the library and got all her homework done before dinner. When she met Severus after school, she had nothing to do except let him go over her work for errors.

"These are such idiotic mistakes," he said sourly. "What was in your head today, you stupid girl?"

"Nothing." She took her history essay back and read over his notes; he was right. She'd written over half the dates wrong and mispelled the simplest words.

"What on earth makes you think that a drought charm would be most useful in the desert?" He sounded aghast and made sweeping gesture over her scroll, marking the entire thing with red ink. "You'll have to do it all over again."

Tamarisk sighed. "Very well." But instead of getting back to work, she laid back on the heap of blankets they were sitting on and closed her eyes. Tears gathered in the back of her eyes, but she quashed them down as ruthlessly as she could; Severus hated tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." It sounded like a sob.

"Don't lie."

"You don't want to hear it anyway."

Severus, of course, was as logical as always. "If I didn't want to hear, I wouldn't have asked. What's the matter?"

She opened her eyes. "I miss my parents and Crystal hates me. Remus and Sirius think I like them, and they want to kiss me, and I don't want to kiss them. I'm so embarrassed about all of this, because I don't like them like that, and everyone thinks I do. I just want everyone to leave me alone, and..." She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes.

"I don't understand why you're so upset. Just tell Sirius and Remus that you don't like them, and that will end the entire thing."

"No, it won't! And I can't do that."

"Why not?"

Tamarisk shrugged, dropping her hands. "Because... then they'll think I don't like them."

He looked utterly baffled. "But you don't."

"I know. But I mean, they'll think I really don't like them. At all. And I like Remus. He's nice. Although, I don't want him to like me. But I hate having other people think that I like them."

"Why?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but could think of nothing better than, "Because."

He snorted in disgust. "That's not a reason."

"Well. If people think I like them, especially the girls, then they won't like me, because they either want the boys to like them or they think boys are stupid." She sat up and tucked her hair behind her ears. "It's all very complicated."

"Do you even like Crystal?"

"Yes, of course." Then, when he gave her a piercing look, she blushed and said, "No, I don't. Not really."

"Then why do you care what she thinks about you?"

Good question. "Because... because it matters what people think about you."

"No, it doesn't. It doesn't matter. They don't have any control over who you are or what you feel. I don't understand the need that people have to make people they don't like like them. It's stupid. If you want Crystal to like you, you really are stupid."

"I just don't want to be disliked," Tamarisk said softly. "When people don't like you, they're mean to you. They do things."

"And you're afraid of what they might do to you?" Severus sneered. "I thought you were a Gryffindor, but apparently you were missorted. I'm sure there's still a spot open for you in Hufflepuff."

"If you think I'm so stupid, why are you even here?" she shouted, anger overtaking her.

"I'm not sure. Obviously I'm wasting my time." He gathered his things and stuffed them into his bag. Before he left, though, he said, "People only have power over you if you let them. If you were smart, you wouldn't care what everyone thought, only the ones that you cared about."

"What do you know? You don't care what anyone thinks about you," Tamarisk said.

He shrugged. "There's only one person at school who's regard I truly care about. I'm fairly certain I have it, even though right now she's acting like an insufferable prat. I am quite satisfied with having one person I actually care about think well of me than a hundred I don't." With that, he turned and left the Owlery.

Tamarisk released a shaky breath when he was gone and hugged her arms over her stomach. "Oh," she breathed, flushed. So, he did care for her. At least, she was pretty sure that she was the prat he'd been talking about.

Considering how few people Severus liked, having his regard made her feel special. More special, in fact, than a hundred Sirius's liking her would ever make her feel.

* * *

Friday nights were Tamarisks least favorite night of the week. It was the only day that she and Severus didn't have a chance to see each other after supper. No matter how many times she told him that she wanted to meet him just like usual, he never showed up. They did weekend homework on Saturday afternoons, and on Sunday, they practiced charms or reviewed potions together. But on Friday, she was on her own.

The first Friday after the kissing bet was revealed was the most awkward thing she'd ever lived through. The first year boys all gathered against one side of the room, and the girls on the other. All the girls were sort of angry with one another for letting the secret get out, although Tamarisk didn't understand how any of them were supposed to get the boys to kiss them if they never let anyone know what was going on. Still, the anger and hurt feelings were there, especially among the girls who liked either Sirius or Remus. And, since those boys reportedly liked Tamarisk, none of them wanted to talk to her.

"You look horrible," Severus said the next morning when she met him by the lake.

"I didn't sleep much." She pulled a pastry from her pocket and took a bite. There was a gentle wind blowing, and it blew her hair over her eyes. Normally, she pulled it back into a braid, when she had time to braid it, but today, she was letting it loose. She was sleepy and lazy today, and all she wanted to do was soak up the last few warm rays of the sun before it got truly cold.

"Why not?" He frowned at her when she dropped to the ground, arms spread wide from her body, eyes closed.

Tamarisk sighed and wished she hadn't brought it up. Severus was the type of boy who always did what he was told as long as he thought it was best. The headmaster had told him to make her go to the hospital wing if she got another headache, and she had a feeling that Severus would follow that order.

"Do want the rest of my breakfast?" she offered, holding the pastry up.

He sat next to her and took it. "Are you still upset about Crystal?"

"No, not really. The girls who don't like Sirius and Remus aren't angry with me, so they're letting me hang around with them. Lily still talks to me, and if Crystal doesn't like me, oh well. I think she's an ugly witch either." Then she frowned. "Witch really isn't an insult here, is it?"

"Should it be?"

"It is where I'm from. Because witches are bad and worship the devil and everything. But, really, because the word witch sounds like another insult, so it tends to get thrown around instead." She opened her eyes and looked at him. "I guess I'll just have to call her a b-bitch then, huh?" A thrill went through her at the use of the forbidden word, and she thought about how if she'd been home, her parents would first give her a long lecture about calling names and then ground her. There were perks to being at school.

Severus nodded. "I agree. There's something very spiteful about that girl. I don't like the way she acts, like she owns everything she sees. Very Gryffindor behavior."

Tamarisk snorted. "If that were true, then Lucius Malfoy would be a Gryffindor."

"He's rich. The wealthy and Gryffindor believe the world belongs to them. It's something inborn in both."

Tamarisk rolled onto her stomach. "And Slytherins are the humblest creatures on earth," she said teasingly.

He simply inclined his head, acknowledging her point. "Why didn't you sleep well last night?" he asked after a moment.

She sighed and rested her cheek on her arms. "I couldn't get comfortable."

"You live in a tower like a princess. I can't imagine your house being uncomfortable, as the dungeons where I am are quite warm and the beds soft. You haven't had problems before. What changed last night?"

"You know, sometimes people just don't feel well," she said sharply. She lifted her head. "I had a headache."

"Did you go to the infirmary?"

"No, I didn't. I didn't want to. I'm fine now."

Severus frowned and picked at the pastry. "The headmaster said..."

"The headmaster is overreacting," she interrupted. "I've gotten headaches all my life and I'm fine. I'm fine now; it's gone. It would have been stupid to get all worked up over something that went away on it's own." Then, seeing that he was still pensive, she sighed and said, "Next time, I promise I'll go."

"Go where?" Remus asked.

Tamarisk stiffened. "Um, no where." She sat up and tucked her hair behind her ears. "What are you doing here?"

Remus sat next to Severus, smiling at him in a friendly way. "I saw the two of you sitting here alone, thought I'd say hi. Am I interrupting anything?"

"Not... really."

Severus was sitting stiffly now, the pastry gone. There were some flecks on his robes, and he brushed them away with sharp flicks of his wrist.

"It's a beautiful day." Remus tilted his head back towards the sun. "I don't think we're likely to see much more like these."

"Um. No."

Remus looked at her, and then Severus. "So, um, Sev. How's classes going?"

"Very well, thank you," Severus said, very formally. "And kindly do not call my Sev. I detest nicknames."

"Huh. I think Sev is a rather nice name to be shortened to. Sirius has started to call me Remy, which I'm not too fond of. But there's not much you can do with Remus."

"Re," Tamarisk suggested, pronouncing it like the Egyptian god.

Remus grinned. "That would make me sound rather full of myself, wouldn't it? No. I think I'm stuck with Remy until Sirius gets sick of it."

"You could try calling him Siri," Severus said quietly. "Turn the tables as it were."

"I could do that. Only Sirius would probably enjoy it. He likes to be an ass and he knows the best way to do that is not to let people bother him." He glanced at Tamarisk. "You should pretend to like being called Tammy. He'd probably stop calling you that."

Tamarisk glanced at Severus and said, "Well. I don't mind so much, exactly." She didn't love the nickname, but it was really Severus who seemed to take the greatest exception to it. "And I'm in the same boat as you, really. There's not much you can do with a stupid name like Tamarisk."

"I like your name. It has a certain..." Remus trailed off, eyes squinched in thought.

"Elegance," Severus supplied. "It's a very elegant name."

The other boy snapped his fingers and nodded. "Exactly. It's elegant. But if you want a nickname... You could go with, um, Tama. Or Mara."

"Mara?" Severus sneered. "That's not even in her name, not really."

"Well, she's got Ma," Remus said. "Only that's not a nickname; it's an American word for Mum. So, Mara's the closet thing."

"If you're going to make things up, you should at least choose something that has a nice meaning."

Remus frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Mara means bitter," Severus said slowly, as if it was an obvious fact that everyone was supposed to know. "Tamarisk is not a bitter person."

"All right." Remus looked amused. "So what do you suggest?"

"Boys, I don't need a nickname," Tamarisk said, but they weren't listening.

"What about Tamara?"

"Mara is bad, but sticking a t in front of it is fine. I see."

Severus frowned. "Very well. How about Marisa?"

"What?" Tamarisk exclaimed.

Remus, though, was nodding slowly. "I like it. Marisa. Yeah. That's a good name."

"It makes no sense!"

"It's got all the letters of your name in," Severus said.

"And it's beautiful." Remus smiled at her. "Like you."

Tamarisk felt her face catch fire. She looked away, tugging at her hair. "Thank you."

Next to her, Severus said nothing, but she could tell that he wasn't happy.

"Um, Tamarisk?" Remus said after a moment. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes." She pulled her knees to her chest, still not looking at him. "Are you angry with me?"

"No. Why?"

"Because you haven't talked to me all week. And I thought we were friends, so... I thought maybe I'd done something."

She sighed and pressed her forehead into his knees. "It's because... Because of the whole kissing thing."

"Do you still want to kiss me?"

"I never wanted to kiss you!" she exclaimed, lifting her head. "They were the ones who came up with all of that. Crystal was. She's the one who decided I should kiss you because she wanted to kiss Sirius and Lily wanted to kiss James. It was either you or Peter, and you're cuter, so they chose you, and I don't like you like that. I don't like anyone like that, and I don't want to kiss anyone on a bet. It's stupid. Only now everyone thinks that I like you or Sirius or both, and Crystal hates me and I don't know how to act anymore!"

Remus blinked at her when she was done. Running a hand through his hair, he said, "You don't have to kiss me, Tam. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Crystal's a stupid bint who is jealous because she's not as smart as you are and not half so good on a broom. That's all. Don't let her get to you. And don't let her make us not be friends. Okay?"

"Okay." She licked her lips. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. And don't worry about what those stupid girls think about you. They aren't worth it, right?"

She smiled at him. "Right."

Remus smiled brightly back at her, and then rose. "I'm going to go. We all going to try a game of Quidditch after lunch. Both of you are welcome to come, if you like."

"Thanks. Maybe."

Severus just raised an eyebrow at Remus and didn't reply.

"Well, I'll see you at lunch, then. Bye." Remus waved and ambled off.

Severus watched him go, head cocked and a contemplative look on his face.

"What?" Tamarisk asked.

He shook his head. "I think I like that boy," he said after a moment.

"Really?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure. But if he can get you to listen to reason, then maybe he isn't so bad. For a Gryffindor."


End file.
